Sacrifies + Priorities or "My attempt to quantify what the choice to have kids does to a person's life...without actually having any of my own."

I don't have children. Yet. But I do think about them, and I try to be conscious about my daily choices - whether or not I'm moving toward a life that is ready to embrace children. My life is filled with people who chose to include children in their lives much earlier than I have and others who will choose to not have children, period. I don't presume that it's my place to comment to other's about their choices, rather I choose to comment on the choices in relationship to where I am with mine. I'm older than the typical child bearing years in the US. There were times in the past when children were discussed but for a variety of reasons, it was never the right time. I really don't like the term "having it all" because it just exacerbates our societies perception that unless you're multitasking 30 hrs a day, you're not successful or doing enough. I also don't like the idea that having children requires "sacrifices" rather I like to think of it as making a conscious choice to shift priorities. Resentment of offspring comes from having children without really making the commitment to the shift in priorities.

Right now I have a photography business.  I have immense flexibility combined with infinite possibilities for what to do with my day.  My bedtime and wakeup time fluctuates rapidly, I can eat only nuts and berries for dinner (or coconut milk ice cream), I don't HAVE to work on any given day but the fact that I get to choose what I do on any given day is delightful.  I love my boyfriend, we're quite perfect for each other.  We're independent and dependent, and we enjoy the ebb and flow.

I have friends who, from time to time, lament their situation and wish they could be where I am, doing what I'm doing.  I remind them that I sometimes feel the same way toward them.  Every time you say yes to something, you say no to something else.  I said no to children, during my 20's and now into my 30's, for various reasons: not with the right person, not where I want to be financially, not ready to be 99% selfless, I love to sleep in, etc.  What I did instead was travel, educate myself, examine my beliefs, experiment with foods/diet, partied, stopped partying.  All of those things can be done with children but in a different and to a different extent.  What I find myself doing now is preparing for children.

I'm educating myself on home-schooling, various websites about child development, talking with friends whose parenting styles I admire.  I'm creating habits in my own life that will help shape and create structure for little ones in the future.  I'm discussing topics and issues with my boyfriend that will help us shape our joint parenting style.

I know what my friends tell me about life changing when you have kids.  The sleeplessness, the selflessness, the lack of privacy, the utter exhaustion...and somehow, after all this time of saying no to all of that...I am pretty ready to say yes.  We're close, just not quite yet :)